Understanding the Emotional Brain: How the Hand Model Helps Children Manage Big Feelings
Big feelings can come out of nowhere - tears, yelling, or complete shutdowns. For parents and educators, these moments can feel confusing and even frustrating. But there’s always a reason behind the reaction.
Dr. Dan Siegel’s Hand Model of the Brain gives us a simple, visual way to understand what’s really happening inside a child’s brain — and why calm connection is the key to helping them through it.
The Hand Model: A Simple Way to Picture the Brain
Imagine your hand as a model of the brain.
The palm represents the brainstem, which controls basic survival functions like breathing, heart rate, and feeling safe.
Your thumb, folded across your palm, represents the limbic system — the emotional centre of the brain responsible for feelings, memories, and our fight-flight-freeze responses.
Your fingers, folded over your thumb, represent the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps us think, plan, and stay in control.
When all parts of the brain are “connected,” your fingers gently wrap over your thumb. This is when a child feels calm, safe, and able to think clearly.
What Happens When a Child “Flips Their Lid”
When a child feels overwhelmed, scared, or frustrated, their emotional brain takes over.
In the hand model, this looks like your fingers lifting up — leaving your thumb exposed. This represents the “thinking brain” becoming disconnected from the emotional brain.
In this moment, the child isn’t being naughty or defiant — their nervous system is doing its job: trying to protect them. What they need most is not discipline or reasoning, but safety, calm, and connection to help their brain “reconnect.”
How Parents and Caregivers Can Help
When we understand what’s happening in the brain, we can respond to children with empathy rather than frustration.
Here’s how you can support your child when big feelings take over:
✅ Stay calm and ground yourself
Your calm presence tells your child they’re safe. Take a deep breath before you respond - your regulation helps theirs.
💬 Connect before you correct
Get down to their level, use a gentle tone, or offer a hug. Sometimes simply sitting nearby is enough to help your child feel supported.
🧩 Regulate first, then reason
Once your child feels calm again, their “thinking brain” comes back online. That’s the time to talk about what happened and explore strategies together.
Why This Matters
The Hand Model of the Brain reminds us that behaviour is communication.
When we view children through this lens, we move away from blame and towards understanding.
By focusing on safety and connection, we help children build lifelong skills for emotional regulation, resilience, and relationships.
At Wonder Words Speech Pathology, we believe every moment of connection is an opportunity for growth - helping children feel understood, capable, and confident in expressing themselves.
